changes.

that´s just the way it is.

i am so hesitant about change and i´m really not sure why i don´t embrace it. i tend to be a relatively positive person, but when it comes to changes in routine or location i generally have a negative outlook.

one week before coming to canada from manizales, anxiety set in. i have to go home for awhile. i have to leave friends and special ones here, and i won´t see them for three weeks. i can´t imagine what i would do if i wasn´t coming back to manizales. i´m not ready yet to get back to canada. i don´t know what the eff i should bring home. it would just be easier to stay here.

spent a day or two at home in ottawa feeling a bit culture shocky but adjusted relatively quickly. especially when it meant hanging out with some of my favourites here, seeing movies at the bytowne, playing catan seafarer´s at andrew´s farm, going to kingston to see my grandparents, indian and thai food, hanging with the fam, buying new pants that are long enough for me, and spending some time at cisv winter camp.

now that i have gotten used to being back in canada, a form of anxiety has set in again. tomorrow i am going back to bogota, and then sunday back to manizales. it´s as if i have come back to an old life i had here once, gotten right back into it and now i´m moving back to the new stuff in colombia that has been at the back of my mind since arriving here.
i think while i was away, i forgot how much i love being here and being close to people that really, really know me. sometimes it is hard to find that other places... or atleast it takes more time than a few months.

i know that once i get back to manizales and my ´new - old´ life starts up again, i will feel lots better. i always forget the wondrous things that are awaiting me there: latin music everywhere, salsa dancing, 2000 peso cervezas, friends and ferias, warm hearts and warm weather, diego´s cooking...

yes. i am excited to go back.